My first time playing football was a lot like my first time having sex.

There was a lot of blood and bruises but at least my dad came.

Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

1. Why did the bum die?

Had a fart attack.

2. What do you call reporters who are always at the Whitehouse?

Permanent Press

3. I accidentally sent jokes meant for my wife to a wrong number…

She doesn’t get them at all

4. There once was a depressed king who hadn’t laughed in years. On one especially dreary day, his most loyal servant dressed up in a goofy costume to lighten his spirits.

He didn't laugh, but he appreciated the jester.

5. I found myself often thinking about commissioning a painting of my.previous wives together, both deep in thought...

I Eventually decided it wasn't worth it... After all, was just Two Ex, Pensive

6. A man is watching porn on his PC in his home office when his wife walks in and he quickly switches to golf videos.

She hands him mail that arrived and as she leaves the office says to her husband. "Switch back to the porn, you already know how to play golf."

7. One of my buddies asked me if I'll ever stop drinking

I said sure, I don't plan on living forever.

8. I was sitting on the sofa watching some youtube on the telly last night, when my wife from the bedroom yelled, "Do you ever get pains in your chest like someone with a voodoo doll is stabbing it?" I replied, "No."

Then she asked, "How about now?"

9. Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"

I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

10. Mary Poppins' lipstick

Did you know that Mary Poppins has stopped using lipstick before giving blowjobs? That's because super colour fragile lipsticks makes the dicks atrocious.

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My first time playing football was a lot like my first time having sex.

darkjoke

nsfw

funny dad jokes